Broken in Berlin: Day One

My fingers may be broken but it appears my eyes are still able to produce (endless) tears :(

It is 12.01 am. My cast feels heavy and arm is in pain but I survived my first day. Only 41 more to go. HA! So after making phone calls last night and watching The Holiday felt a lil better. I desperately tried to get accustomed to falling asleep with my plastered arm-- a rather painful and uncomfortable endeavor. After  many hours, more tears, insoirational reading and prayers, i finally fell asleep.

I woke up this morning in acceptance of my situation. That lasted about...ummm....5 minutes! Just to take a shower I had to get help wrapping my hand in a plastic bag and attempted to wash my hair with one hand--not the easiest to do. I also discovered I can not put lotion on my own right hand. Walked out in the rain looking like a dork with my plastic bag covered left hand. With every new limitation encountered, fresh tears were spilt.

But then it changed. I saw a German woman on the train sitting across from me who had her leg in a cast. She saw my arm and we both laughed out loud. there is something so comforting about the power of identification. It made me feel not quite so alone. But then as the woman was leaving, her husband grabbed her bag for her and helped her out of the train. This reminded me how alone I really am. Loneliness on this trip has come and gone at different times. For the most part I can totally deal, but something about my current situation has made it rather difficult. I equate it to being sick and I am such a baby when I am sick. Just wanna stay at home and ignore the world while someone brushes my hair, feeds me ice-cream and tells me it will all be ok. Not that this has ever really happened for me prior but it has always been my secret fantasy when I'm not feeling 100%.

So anyway, I moved out of the church office today to stay with this really sweet girl Madeline. Struggled with packing and closing up my suitcases with one hand. This brought on a whole new tear-dropping session and more prayers to help me get through it. So basically day was tough and I struggled, a lot. But now that it is midnight it is a new day with another opportunity to try again. Have to say though as much as I wish i didn't have to pack alone, etc, I am so grateful that I am strong-willed enough to be able to.

I will leave you with a verse I love that is helping me.

*and in the pic of me with the Berlin sculpture please take your eyes off of HIM and notice my cast covered in a plastic bag :P

Lord I pray that You would open the eyes of their hearts that they may see You, and know that You are ever present in their lives.
prayer of Elisha. 2 Kings 6